It's been a rough week; what can I say? There's also a full moon and maybe that's part of it. As usual, there's nothing worthwhile on TV, so I fixed my bedtime tea and decided to sit on the porch and ponder. Maybe, it's because I'm in one of my internal, withdrawn, reflective moods, and that's when I realized how much I like dark. I've been in the City since 2008 after spending almost 15 years living rural. I spent 12 years on 12 O'Clock Knob and almost 3 years on Windy Gap Mountain. I miss them both for different reasons, but I love city living for equally different reasons. One thing I miss about mountain living is the dark and the quiet. That does not exist in the city. I was only on the porch for 5 minutes and I felt overwhelmed by the street lights, dogs barking, and the sound of a distant siren.. I almost never heard a siren in those 15 years of rural life. What a huge intrusion!
There is a certain comfort in dark and quiet. I like it when I know, almost for certain, that there will be no harsh lights and sounds to intrude on my thoughts. Some folks are comforted by sounds - the sounds of life all around. Maybe, it's a security thing. I like the sound of nothingness -the sound of dark and the sound of quiet. It gives me the opportunity to think...uninterrupted by the sounds of life.
There have been too many sounds this week...sad sounds. Maybe, it's just the full moon, but I'm longing for the quiet of a mountain, and the sounds of nothingness.
Today was a horrifically sad day for Roanoke and our neighbors at Smith Mountain Lake. The gunning down of two beautiful young people has left a hole in the hearts of many. I can't imagine that anyone didn't feel a basketball in the pit of their stomach over this. Even if we didn't know these folks personally, they played a a part in our lives, in a direct or indirect way. Our friend, Vicki Gardner at the Smith Mountain Lake Chamber has undergone surgery and is on the road to recovery, at least physically. I can't fathom what she is going to be dealing with on a mental and spiritual level when she learns the full impact of this tragedy.
I was out only a couple of times, briefly today. But, I noticed that the world was moving a lot slower than usual. Traffic was slower and the few people that I came in contact with were quieter, more reserved...just moving as if in slow motion. Or maybe, it was just me. I was pretty weepy today. I didn't know Alison or Adam, and Vicki is an acquaintance. But, this really knocked the winds out of my sails. I love SML; I have friends who have places there. I meet friends at Moosies a lot. It's a happy place, not a place associated with bad things or bad people. I'm supposed to meet a friend there for lunch on Saturday. I'm sure it will take my breath, just as it did when I was on the Virginia Tech campus a year or so, after those horrible mass murders.
I just think this is a time to reflect on who we are as human beings and what we believe in. The stuff has already started about gun rights, racism, mental illness and who knows whatever else the media will try to milk out of this horrible event. We need to take a serious look at where we are and what our values are and our relationship with violence, hatred, and fear, and how we deal with those issues. We stick our heads in the sand and say, "there is no problem and my way is right and your way is wrong". We are the most violent of cultures and we are one angry, fearful lot.
Maybe, It's time to slow down and think ... and reflect.
He came into my life one day back in 1993...a little black kitty, in a crate, carried by a friend, whose husband had found him toodling down West Main Street in Salem. A little homeless kitty, on a mission...who knows what or where. It was love at first sight. He was a hellion. He got in to everything. He tore up my plants; he chewed through my stereo wires and electrical cords; he shredded paper towels and toilet paper. Everyday, I would slowly open my front door and cautiously peer through the house to see what craziness had occurred while I had been at work. He was a joy, he was a hoot, he was never a dull moment...this little Ollie of mine. Don't ask me why I named him "Ollie". It just seemed to suit. He was the perfect black cat, full of personality, and never knowing what crazy habit he would pick up next. He was long and slender, and had a purr like no other. He had no problem telling me he was happy. He walked on a leash, rolled in his catnip, and enjoyed his life. He brought me so much joy and in the last several years, I knew that his time was coming to an end and I would have to let go. I was prepared...but, I wasn't. I held him until the very end. I buried my head in his fur and cried like I had lost my best friend. I had. Over the rainbow bridge, my little friend...I am missing you, so very much.
OK, I really have a bug up my butt this evening. I got myself embroiled in this conversation, mostly with Lynchburgers regarding the kid at Timberlake Christian School - the one you saw on the news. She's a tomboy with a short hair cut and likes to wear jeans. The administration apparently decided she wasn't "Christian-like" or appropriately dressed as a female should be. Well, I jumped all over that shit. Just so you'll know, Lynchburg is my hometown, so I feel like I'm allowed my discourse. I've been gone from there for 27 years now, but I remember well the impact of the JF Regime. No doubt, it is strong and unrelenting.
My gripe is that the so-called "Christian" sector seems to think they have the upper hand in dictating how the rest of the population should think. But, hasn't that always been the case? In reading all the posts on Facebook, I kept seeing the words, "I'm a Christian", references to the Bible, this quote, that quote, and what I was hearing was that, "I am superior, and my thinking trumps yours, because, I am this, or I am that.
No doubt, I will offend some of my friends with this post. I am not saying one group is right or one is wrong, but superiority is not an issue here. What is an issue is how we treat others, respect them, and honor their differences.
Honestly, I don't know if I am a Christian, and at this point I don't know that I want to be one, based on some of the crap I read tonight from some of those judgmental folks who called themselves "Christians".
I was fortunate to take a course in high school that explored the many diverse religions and belief systems in our world. I found that I embraced a little bit of this and little bit of that, but I didn't fit into one bracket. I was a little Christian, a little Catholic, a little Jewish, a little Episcopalian, a little Muslim, somewhat New-Age, a little agnostic, and sometimes, I didn't believe jack-crap! What I did learn was that I was spiritual and I gained a knowledge and respect for other cultures and their beliefs. I think it is called "tolerance" and "acceptance". More of us should try it - it would help dissipate some of the anger in our society.
I hope that I never become so narrow-minded that I can't see someone else's point of view. I don't have to agree with it, but just acknowledge it as being their reality, and not pass judgement.
This post may be completely paradoxical depending on your interpretation. Oh well...it's my blog, so I can say what I want to.
As many of you know, I love wine. I wouldn't consider myself an expert, but I do have some nice wines in the wine rack. There is one, in particular, from one of my past lives, that I have been saving for a special occasion. It is one that I shared with a significant other, some years ago. It was a 1999 Ruffino Riservo Ducale Oro, Chianti. When we parted in 2008, I took this bottle and it has been in my wine rack since. I always said that I would save it for a very special occasion. It has been 6 years since we parted; we have both lost touch and gone our separate ways. There have been some special occasions, but none that I thought worthy of my special wine. I researched the wine and found that it was best enjoyed between 2007-2009. Damn, I'm 5 years too late! Will it be vinegar?
Tonight, I decided to open my Ruffino. I let it breathe...and I apprehensively tasted. While, it is still a fantastic wine, it would likely have been better a few years ago. I guess my point is, that if we wait for that truly special occasion, the joy may not quite meet our expectations. And maybe, those special occasions come without the fireworks and fanfare that we expect.
So, we should celebrate the small accomplishments and the little joys, rather than waiting for the earth-shattering events. Cheers!
No, I 'm not going to follow with the old cliche..."is a friend indeed". I truly have a friend who is in need. This is probably one of the hardest posts I could write. Several weeks ago, a dear friend called to tell me that she has cancer. I was stunned, as if someone had punched me in the gut with no warning. Tears welled up in me, as I wondered what was going through her head and knowing that the road ahead will not be an easy one. I sense her fear and her uncertainty and my heart and soul hurt for her. She teaches me empathy, as I can only barely guess at what she is feeling right now. So many friends I have that have walked the walk of this disease, continue to fight this fight. I hate this for all of my friends who have and are going through this.
The practical side of me does the research and although some of the numbers are grim for this type of cancer, I find testimonials from people who have had the same and are surviving and strong and leading healthy lives - and, I know that my friend is also strong and will be one of those survivors. We have to believe...and fight.
She is teaching me that I need to get more in touch with my spirituality, and my higher power. I am so thankful for you, my friend.
I have a wonderful friend. My first memory of her was back in 1991 (I think - I suck at dates). I bought a home and she was the home owner. I bought this little country church that she and her family had renovated and raised 4 children there. My first memory of her was that she was standing in the doorway, as I was painting a bedroom in my new little house, and she was sobbing. I was ecstatic at owning this little piece of heaven and she was mourning the loss of her family's little piece of heaven. I remember feeling so guilty, in spite of my joy.
There was a connection at that point - I can't explain it. We were so different. She had a huge family, at least by my standards. She had (and still has) a husband and 4 children, and now, a handful of grandchildren; I, an only child, just out of a failed marriage, and trying to find a place to heal and find myself. I spent 13+ years in that house and still have my wonderful friend.
Over the last 20+ years, she has taught me so much. She is one of the most generous and giving people I know. She is not wealthy; she doesn't have a big bank account. Her generosity comes from within. It's about the time she spends with friends who are sick, or people who need her kindness, or her willingness to do for others. She has patience and kindness that is rare in a society that is so "me" oriented and fast-paced.
She teaches me to be more patient and more giving. It seems that whatever her burdens, she always has time to give to others. She has taught me to ask, "is there something I can do for you?"
Thank you, my friend.
